So yesterday was a big day for me. I had to do the usual 'mom' stuff so I went here and there to run my errands. Finally made it to wal-mart to finish up with the rest, food, cleaning supplies..the usual.
I should mention here that as I inch closer to the anniversary of Zakk's death I get weird. I do this every year. I get very emotional and ver klempt at the drop of a hat. I should also mention Kevin and I are trying to conceive and I'm weaning myself off caffeine and spending tons of time day dreaming about what I want the nursery to look like!
So in Wal-Mart I'm browsing the baby stuff and I notice a pooh blanket. This has significance because Zachary had a pooh blanket he drug all over everywhere he went. My dad once had to drive 40 miles to bring Zakk that blanket once because we had left it at Granny and Papa's house! So tears start to fill my eyes, and suddenly it hits me. You need a bible, now's the time.
So I went and bought the first bible I've owned in over 15 years and the first I've ever bought myself. It's a cute "gift" bible it's an NIV (I had no idea there were so many to choose from!) it's brown soft leather with a cross on it. I also bought "Becoming a Woman of Worth" by Karen Moore. It's a devotional book.
Yeah...so after doing this I become overwhelmed and texted Misty. "I just bought a bible and I'm about to bawl in wal-mart" She immediately calls me and doesn't really help the tear situation. Now I'm really crying. So I'm telling her this...and she's understaning where I'm at emotionally and we're discussing this. I'm telling her I'm trying not to cry at the check out in wal-mart, people are starting to look. My dahling cousin with her infinite wisdom in her so sweet maternal voice says "It's ok Traci, they're just Wal-Mart people, you'll never see most of the again, it's ok to cry." This makes me laugh....and still does today! So I did...I cried at the vulnerability I felt in the moment right there....in front of the Wal-Mart people.
Leave it to me to have one of the most personal moments with God I've ever had in the last 20 years right there...between People Magazine and the Butterfingers.
I go out to the car, unload the stuff and grab the bible. I'm reading Psalm107, first because I wanted to explore more of what Stacy had written about in her blog, and second because Misty said it would be a great place for me to start. And this is what I found....
Psalm 107:10-14
Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom
prisoners suffering in iron chains
for they had rebelled against the words of God
and despised the councel of the Most High.
So he subjected them to bitter labor,
they stumbled and there was no one to help.
They cried to the Lord in their trouble, and
he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of the darkness and the deepest gloom
and broke away their chains.
Crazy...
10 Years
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1 comment:
My mother in law, who was with me at the moment that I said it was okay to cry in front of "Wal-Mart People" said, "Oh honey, that certainly won't be the biggest meltdown Wal-Mart has ever seen, or ever will." :D
It reminded me of when I lost my father...and I held up just fine...and held up...and held up...and held up...and then MONTHS later I was photo frame shopping at CVS, and some stupid song (I think it was Bad, Bad LeRoy Brown) played at CVS, and I sat on their floor and sobbed until I honestly thought they'd have to call the white coats.
Instead, everyone walked around me. Eventually, I got up, brushed myself off, and left. It was so surreal. Maybe retail stores are used to it?
I love that Psalms. Great find! Let me know what you think of the devotional book.
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