Through another holiday season that is! I took a brief break from blogging, I'm sure you noticed. A few days after my last post was the anniversary of Zachary's death, then it lead straight into the holiday season. For some reason this year it was harder than most.
The night before last *Christmas Eve* I had to work and I got off at my usual 7pm. Kevin and the kids had gone to his Aunt Dorothy's for the family gathering. I came home to an empty house. I knew I was going to and wasn't really bothered by that idea, I figured I would use the time to finish wrapping gifts, sip a glass of wine and just unwind. Boy, I had no idea what was going to happen. Grief has a funny way of just sneaking up on you and smacking you into reality in the oddest times. In the middle of giving report I started tearing up, and I felt the saddness begin to creep in. By the time I got in the car to go home I was sobbing. I realized in the 9 christmases that he'd be gone this was the first Christmas Eve I was alone.
Alone with my thoughts.....and my grief.
It became painfully clear, I miss him as much as always and probably more that night. I should have been wrapping gifts for a 14 yearold boy with all the others.
I just prayed. I prayed for peace, for Zachary, for a bitter co-worker. I felt better when I was done. Just to get it out. That's when I decided to start this up again after Christmas.
So here I am again :)
10 Years
5 years ago
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2 comments:
Hi Traci,
I just found your blog today through Stacy's blog. I am glad you are going to start blogging again. I really think it helps in the healing process for anyone who has lost a child. I hope you have a Happy New Year!
Funny, I think about your son a lot as well. We recently had some friends loose their baby (he had Trisomy 18). It is always so heartwretching to see those little coffins! Mothers who loose their children are the strongest moms I know. Blessings to you and your family! I hope you feel blessed with someone watching out for y'all in heaven!
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